How to Love FaceBook Again

How to Love FaceBook Again

Well kids, this is pretty much how I’ve felt about this election season:

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“I’m just going to sit hear with my Oreo and be disgusted while y’all argue.”

Hasn’t FaceBook been just awful lately ? I mean, really, just awful.

The thing is we used to not know how everyone felt about everything. Sure, some people would stick a sign in their yard or a sticker on their car but, other than that, we didn’t know the ins and outs of how every friend we had felt about every issue on the planet.

And that was probably a good thing. Because you know the old saying about big toes and opinions*, right?

“Opinions are like big toes. Just because everyone has them doesn’t mean you should go showing yours to everyone.”  

Didn’t you used to love FaceBook? Well, I mean, you wouldn’t admit it, of course, because how gauche** would that be? But you loved it. Right? Or maybe you tolerated it because you needed it. And maybe you’re one of the three thousand and eleven people I’ve seen lately lamenting how bad FaceBook has gotten. I agree. It’s been crazy bad.

Here’s the deal though – you CAN like FaceBook again. I’ll even show you how.

It’s a step by step instruction guide. Now, lately I’ve used this method for politics but for this example I’m going to use football instead of politics because, even though I think Donald Trump is the biggest…uh…big toe in the history of big toes that have run for President, I have friends that I respect that are voting for him.

Option One: Unfollow the person that posts or likes stuff you don’t want to see. You could do that. Maybe you should do that but it’s kind of flawed, isn’t it? While I have unfollowed and even unfriended (whomp, whomp, whomp,) people lately it’s not something you can do for everyone you don’t agree with.

Let’s take my Uncle Tom for instance. Uncle Tom is a big Alabama fan. Which is fine. However, I’m mature enough to know that I’m not mature enough to handle all the Bammer he has in him. Heck, he’s a Korean War veteran!*** You don’t just unfollow a Korean War veteran! I don’t want to unfollow him – I want to see his posts. He’s great! So, what to do…what to do? The method I’ll show you cuts down on SO MUCH I DON’T WANT TO SEE. I’ll walk you through it.

Step One: See post that you don’t want to see:

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Oh look…it’s Rammer Jammer. Barf. Oh look, there’s that maturity I’m lacking that I was talking about. 

See that little arrow in the corner? You’re going to click on that which will produce a pull down menu.

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Select ‘I don’ like this post.’

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Obviously, I don’t want to Unfollow my Uncle – him being a Korean War VETERAN and all****. And I don’t want to Unfollow him. Third option: ‘Hide all from Alabama Crimson Tide.’ – Oh, heck yeah!

Now, I’ll never ever have to see anything from the Alabama Crimson Tide account again. Tider Insider? Gone. We Love Bama Football? Gone. Publicly I Say I Don’t Approve of Harvey Updike But I Had My Picture Taken With Him at the Bowl Game?***** Hidden. It may seem like a pain but you would not believe how much it cuts down on you seeing.

Heres the deal – Facebook wants to show you things you are interested in. It’s in their best self interest. So, they provide these tools to help. The more you like Facebook the more time you’ll spend there and the more moolah they can make off you.

Now, go forth and unfollow accounts!

The problem with unfollowing accounts is it’s kind of like only having one type of friend. It insulates you and gives you a skewed view of the world. That last sentence – yeah, it’s pretty accurate.

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It really is true and I’ll give you an example from my own life. A couple months ago I was thinking about the upcoming football season and I thought ‘was Alabama good last year?’ Like, I really did not remember that they had won the National Championship. I saw nothing about it on Facebook or Twitter that’s for sure – that’s because I hid all that business eons ago! So, see how it insulates you?

Should you unfollow accounts? Sure – just remember whether you support ‘The People Who Love Big Toes Who Run For President’ or not they still exist.

Now, lets all go make Facebook great again.

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*The quote isn’t actually about big toes but my Mom gets all kinds of irritated when I use questionable language on the blog so we’ll go with big toes.

**I have no clue how to pronounce the word gauche.

***Uncle Tom used to tell all his nieces and nephews he was in the war even though he WAS NOT. For years I thought he got shot in the Korean War because he showed me his small pox vaccination scar.

****The man is like sixty – definitely not old enough to fight in the Korean War.

*****Yeah, this isn’t actually an account…that I know of.