The Answering Machine…

I abhor our answering machine. 
It’s laziness really. 
Messages can only mean a few things:

Number One:

I forgot to do something

Number Two:

I need to do something

or

Number Three:

I need to sign up to do something that I will soon forget.

This is the Mother God gave us?”

Or maybe it has it’s roots in college.
See there was this time…

Billy and I were dating and we were in an awkward pre-DTR* stage.

I called and left a message on his machine in his tiny Little Henry’s apartment on Cox Street in Auburn.

I don’t even remember what it was about but I wasn’t happy with the original message because I called right back and left another.

And then another.

And then another!

I’m telling you people it was like that scene in Swingers!

I think I left five ridiculous needy girl messages before I thought ‘Oh, I’ll just go over and leave a note on his door.
When I got to his apartment I heard something inside so I knocked on the door.
He opened the door with a huge but uncomfortable smile on his face.
He opened the door wider to reveal a room full of people all sitting beside the answering machine.
I had forgotten he was having a study group over.
They had heard every single word of my messages.
Dang. 
I’m not much of a blusher but I can assure you that night I got very blushy. 
It was bad. 
Bad I tell you!
So avoid answering machines.
At least…avoid leaving messages on answering machines.
So…
This PSA was brought to you by needy girls everywhere.
_________________________________
*DTR: Define the Relationship – every college boys worst nightmare.

Oh, The Rain, Rain, Rain Comes Down, Down, Down…

Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day, 1968
If you live in the Southeastern section of the United States the incessant rain has become quite familiar to you. 
A couple weeks ago I thought Huntsville was seeing the rainiest week ever so I decided to go out in the deluge and snap some pictures.
In order to do this I had too traverse the swamp that was my back yard but anything for the readers.
That’s just the kind of selfless of blogger I am.
Let me just maneuver around this puddle here…


A river had decided to take it’s route half way through our backyard. 
I took this little video of the ditch behind our house whooshing with water. 
Thrilling I know…

The drive up to my Mom’s was very watery too. 

Waterfalls and the like.
After all this rain I should have been prepared. 
See…
Saturday morning I dragged my Mom to an estate sale. I decided to park on the side of the road in the dirt. 
It turns out that the dirt was actually mud. 
Sticky, gooey, muddy mud.
And the rental car…
Well, it got stuck. 
Super stuck. 
Had to call a tow truck stuck.

The tow truck driver eventually dragged me out. 
Hey!
Did you know that something called a Water Truck exists?
You would think with all this rain we wouldn’t need water trucks but they actually perform a pretty important service. 
See, when new construction is being done you are going to have a bunch of dirt sitting around. Think subdivisions etc. When it rains the dirt obviously turns to mud and then runs out into the street. 
Anal people then get irritated that there is dirt in their street and call the people in charge about it. 
And so:
Enter the water dragon!
Er…
Enter the water truck. 
We watch way too much Bruce Lee around here.

It has high pressured water canons on it that spray the roads down after the rain to clean them off.
Just a tip though:
Do not use google images to search for ‘water truck.’
Apparently at Burning Man every year there is a water truck that sprays people.
And some nakedness goes along with it. 
And that nakedness…it’s not always pretty. 
Man…
How did we go from a Winnie the Pooh song to Burning Man?
Crazy. 
It’s all this rain. 
It’s making me crazy. 
Not crazy enough to head to Burning Man but you get my watery drift. 

That’s Not the Weirdest Thing that Happened…

So…
A couple weeks ago I made a little trip to Target.

I’m beginning to thing that half my blogs begin with:

“So, I made a little trip to Target”

But, I counted and it’s actually only three.

I think.

Anyway…

I was without the minions so I was pretty dang excited about slowly perusing the non-grocery section. 
Oh, don’t laugh. 
Everyone likes a good non grocery trip to Target.

As I was pulling in I almost got hit by a lady in a hot pink Mustang with “High Maintenance” airbrushed on the side of her car.

I thought: “Hmmm, well, that’s the weirdest thing I’ll see all day.”

As luck would have it though it wasn’t the weirdest thing I saw all day.

See…

I got through the store without any drama but….

As I was standing in line to check out I overheard a strange conversation. 
A mom and her little girl were in line behind me and the Mom….

Well, I really just don’t know how to say this… 


The Mom suddenly looks at me and says:

“I’m sorry.”

I looked at her and said “Excuse me?”

And she said:

“Oh, I burped and I thought you heard me.”

Um…Alright

But wait! There’s more.

Her little girl then says:

“That’s not a burp, this is a burp: Burp!”


And she proceeded to burp. Loudly.


So…

Watch out for females with belching issues in Target next time you are there.

Or just watch out for females with issues because I’m pretty sure if you have “high maintenance” air brushed onto your car you are indeed actually high maintenance.

Dang it!

No pictures on the blog tonight.

Well, this just can’t be.

I’ll fix that!

Here is something else weird:

It’s a fruit with no name. 
Or, maybe it has a name and it’s name is name.
I saw this at the field trip I took to Publix with the middle minion. 
It was actually most excellent. 
Fruits named name are also excellent. 
Excellent and odd.
And weird.
Maybe not ‘ladies burping out loud’ in Target weird but weird none the less.