Die Snow Die

Die Snow Die

Well, I don’t know about you people but I’ve had just about enough of this white stuff.



Good gravy, my ten year old’s hair. The last couple haircuts the boys have gotten have been so bad that now I’m gun-shy. So, they look like crazy hippies, as Billy would say. 

Saturday we spent all day outside basking in the sunshine. Even though there was still some snow on the ground the weather was warm enough not to worry about it.


“Die Snow Die!!!”


Your probably not an entomologist but any clue what this weird cocoon/pod thing is? It was pretty cool looking. If you’re into that kind of thing.

Ya know, the nature kind of thing.


We blew bubbles and the kid’s rode their scooters and we basically just frolicked.

Yep, we frolicked.

It’s been raining all week but at least the weather is warm so even though, like all you other people, we are suffering the ill effects of the Spring forward of the clocks I’m still thankful.


Also thankful that James’ foray into the world of double scooting didn’t result in a trip to the ER. Double scooting – for when you want to make the twelve year old even more awkward.

This weather though? Not awkward.

Good for you, weather.

Photobombing at the Zoo

Photobombing at the Zoo

This weekend we packed up the kids and headed to Birmingham. Friday night we went to the state basketball championship. Unfortunately our team lost but it was a testament to the guy’s hard work that they made it that far. Number two in the state ain’t half bad. Oh, calm down, Autocorrect. I can use the word ain’t if I want to. 

IMG_2072The nieces came and kept Stella occupied. So between her cousins, the funnel cake, and my iPhone she did pretty well with that nine pm start time. Although I yawned quite a bit.

Saturday morning we went to the zoo with my cousin’s Margaret and Lauren. And, hey guess what! For the first time in the history of us, me and Billy did not fight at the zoo. You should be impressed. For some reason zoos make us fight. Eh…now that I think about it we did kinda fight on the way to the zoo. Whelp, that just doesn’t count. No fighting INSIDE the zoo – for the win!


“I’m not impressed.”

Shut it, flamingo.

Hey speaking of flamingos, this flamingo totally photobombed us.


So, of course, we thought that was just about the funniest thing ever so we proceeded to attempt other photobombs.


This cat was SO DANG CUTE.


It’s eyes were HUGE. Really, eyes in picture are larger than they appear.

We stole my eleven year old niece for the weekend. If you’re going to the zoo with littles I highly recommend borrowing an eleven year old girl.


They are very efficient at crowd control. This is the cool crowd we went with. Notice the excessive amount of belly fat that child in my niece’s arms has. It’s epically awesome. 


The even cooler crowd.


Yeah, I’m wearing a monogrammed jacket. I have mixed feelings about it. I may be too old for it. If you see me sporting ribbons in my hair, stop me. Because I’m kind of thinking that would be a good idea but the older I get the less fashion sense I have.

Speaking of fashion sense, how about my nephew:


This kid. Four point four GPA, cross country star, amazing saxophone player, ranked number one academically in his class in his 6A school, AND he loves my kids well.

We took him to lunch at Little Donkey in Homewood on Sunday and peppered him with things like:

“Do you need any lectures? How about the drug lecture? We’re great at the drug lecture!” 

“No, I’m good.”

How about a lecture about drinking? We can do that one too!”

“Heard it.”

Tell me more about you social life!”

“Oh, Aunt Paula.”

He totally loved it. Uh huh, loved it.


“I’m not buying it.”

Dang it. Judgmental flamingo strikes again!


I’m the Guard…

I’m the Guard…

Last week we finally got our snow and were rewarded further with a glorious two hour delay from school. It was lovely. I did feel kind bad though because the local elementary school across from our house was NOT on a delay and while we were sledding they were all mutinously trudging off to school.


I got a little weirded out when I saw that I had sent a text to James, my oldest, telling him school was completely cancelled. It wasn’t cancelled and I hadn’t sent the text. I thought there must be a ghost in the house until Hank admitted that he had woken up early and sent the text to James to trick him into thinking school was cancelled. Why? Why would he do that?

Mean spirited, vindictive, tricky tricky boy! I was so mad! James got mad at him too and physically picked him up and tossed him into the snow…in his underpants. I saw it happening and didn’t stop it.

And then I realized something pretty terrible. I’m the guard. Ya know that guard in Guardians of the Galaxy…Um, what do you mean it’s not the greatest movie in the history of the world? It is so!…the guard that looks the other way when Gamora, the heroine, is about to be murdered.

Or heck, any guard in any movie that looks the other way when someone does something bad.

I am supposed to be this child’s defender. Badly done, Paula. Badly done. Bonus points if you can tell me where the Badly Done quote is from. 


Whew! This child. Y’all, I was flat out unprepared for the sheer volume of sports information that was going to be required of me when I had him. Watching a sporting event with this kid goes something like this:

“Mom, who is better Russell Westbrook or Kevin Durant?”

I don’t know. I don’t follow the NBA.”

“Mom, just pick one.”

“Okay, Russell Westbrook.”

“What!? No way! How can you say that?!”

Every. Single. Sport.

And, heaven forbid, if I forgot to tell him about some sporting event that’s on. “How could you let me miss the Slam Dunk Contest? You’re supposed to be my Mother!”

So, I try to read the sports section and stay up to date. Heck, at least it’s something interesting. James was into Pokemon, and still is a little bit, and I couldn’t even feign interest in that. Good thing he moved on to comic books, because that I can handle.

Not to be weird but when James was a newborn I watched Buffy while I fed him at night. When Hank was a newborn I watched the short lived show Sports Night soooo…you can read into that what you will.

And, hey, if you live in North Alabama you know that that puny little snow we got last week was nothing compared to what we got this week! EIGHT WHOLE INCHES! Y’all it was amazing. We sledded and built snowmen and missed school and contemplated moving to Colorado because snow is the best thing ever.

Then I woke up this morning and was kind of over mittens and wet socks and slushiness and now I’m just thankful that I live in Alabama and know how to appreciate snow. Because all that business that goes with it is kind of a pain. And now I know why Northern Moms complain about it.

I mean, they don’t complain as much as this guy when he found out I forgot to tell him the Combine was going on but you get the picture.