Twitter Antics Part One

Twitter Antics Part One

No ‘Most Embarrassing Moments’ List of mine could possibly be complete without spending a little time talking about Twitter. If you aren’t familiar with it, Twitter is a social media site where users share their thoughts in 140 characters or less. I stinking LOVE Twitter. It’s my favorite social media site. It’s a great place to watch breaking news and live events unfold. Heck, live tweeting events is fun!

So how do I use Twitter? Well, basically since my very first tweet, Twitter has been a dumping ground for the moronic things I do on a daily basis. Why, you ask? Yeah, I don’t know. Nary a clue. For some reason, I just feel the need to put it on Twitter anytime I act like a monkey.

Get caught daydreaming in church? Boom! Put it on Twitter:

Funny church twitter

Embarrass the kids by sitting in the yard in your husband’s Mario boxers? Boom! Put it on Twitter:

Screen Shot 2014-10-14 at 4.22.46 PM

Catch yourself watching The Berenstein Bears even though there are no kids at home? Welcome to Twitter:

Screen Shot 2014-10-14 at 4.05.14 PM

And finally, for tonight anyway…

Chop jalapeños without gloves which results in a three hour crying jag? Put that business on Twitter!

how to relieve jalapeño pain

Twitter. Where embarrassment and mortification are celebrated.

He’s A Foreign Exchange Student

He’s A Foreign Exchange Student

I know, right! This IS the coolest group of girls you can even imagine! Hey look – in the Notre Dame shirt, that’s my friend Laurie Ruth. I’m the one in the back with the ridiculously large sunglasses on.

DocImage144Laurie had a great house for parties. She had an upstairs game room with a REAL pinball machine AND as a bonus, she had parents that slept really soundly. SCORE!

One night in the summer Laurie hosted an amazing party outside in her backyard. There were lights in the trees and the weather was nice and it was just a good time to be alive. Since we’re in the middle of my 31 Days of Embarrassing Moment’s Stories I should definitely tell you about that party.

So…let’s just dive in.

Rumors had been swirling around all summer that Laurie had a new boyfriend but I had yet to meet him. He was there at the party and, like the good extrovert I am, I made sure to hop up to him to meet him. I told the group I was with ‘hey, look! There’s Laurie’s new boyfriend! I’m going to go meet him. What’s his name?’ Now, honest to goodness, I don’t remember who told me this next little bit. I think I’m going to blame it on my friend Chad. Yes, he may have saved my life in the tenth grade but I think I’ll throw him under the bus on this one because it totally seems like something he would have done.

Paula: ‘Oh, look! There’s Laurie’s new boyfriend. I haven’t met him yet. What’s his name?’

Definitely Chad: ‘It’s Sven.’

Paula: “Sven? Is he from Sweden?”

Most Definitely Chad: “Um. Yeah, he is actually! He’s a foreign exchange student. His English isn’t very good so you need to speak really slowly.”

Oh, yeah, dear reader. You can imagine exactly how this next little bit went down.

I walked over to him and V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y said “Hi…Sven…My…Name….Is…Paula. How…Do…You…Like…America?” The entire group burst out laughing and he said, in an AMERICAN accent: ‘Uh, it’s great. I was born and raised here so it’s great.” Yeah, dude’s name was Sven but that was just his name. Sweden, my butt!


Me, number 30. Big hair, big mouth, big embarrassment.

You better believe that people talked about how awesome that party was for eons afterwards. It was just awesome to different people for different reasons.


A Lyrical Mix Up…

A Lyrical Mix Up…

In college we basically listened to the same, oh I don’t know, forty songs over and over again. One of the songs we listened to frequently was Hank Williams Junior’s Dinosaur. It was one of the only country songs in our repertoire…wow, y’all should have seen me just now trying to spell the word repertoire…We sang a lot. Music was always playing and we weren’t afraid to belt it out along with it.

Although, maybe we should have been afraid. At least I should have been as evidenced by this little embarrassing moment, on this day nineteen of my Thirty One Days of Embarrassing Moments.

So the lyrics of Dinosaur are basically about a man that feels out of place with all the changes in his local bar. I won’t make you google it. Here’s a snippet:

Screen Shot 2014-10-18 at 10.05.20 PM

One night as we all sitting around this song came on. I earnestly sang along with it, I mean I was singing my little old heart out:

“It looks like they’ve turned the Longhorn into a steakhouse…”

It was as if a record had suddenly been pulled abruptly off the needle. My cousin Rusty, that big mean jerk face, said ‘What did you just say?” So, I repeated ‘I said ‘it looks like they turned the Longhorn into a steakhouse? Duh.’ At this point Rusty begins laughing uncontrollably ‘that’s not what it says!’


And then I realized, OF COURSE it doesn’t say that! Y’all, I’m an idiot. Don’t sing lyrics that you aren’t sure about, just don’t. And especially don’t take yourself too seriously while singing said lyrics incorrectly.

Spaceship, steakhouse…tomato, tomato…


Totally honest mistake. Honestly ridiculous.