New Year’s Bad News

Dear Readers,

I had a blog tonight written.

I even posted it.

I even got up at four dang thirty to write it.

However…

Cooler heads have prevailed and it has been deemed a wee bit too controversial.

So…

I know I promised to blog everyday but…

C’est la vie and all that stuff.

It’s back to fluff and nonsense tomorrow on the blog tomorrow.

I hope everyone has a happy new year.

My Blind Side

So…
I had a wreck yesterday. 
I was changing lanes and didn’t see a car in my blind side.
I side swiped the car and the driver somehow managed to maintain control and ended up on the shoulder of the road. 
Everyone’s fine but I was pretty upset over the ‘ifs’ that accompianed the situation. 
If the guy hadn’t been such a good driver he and the child in the car with him could have been really hurt. 
If there had been other cars around he could have hit them when his car swerved. 
If my own kids hadn’t been in car seats…
If I’d been texting…
If there had been pedestrians around…
And on and on and on. 
The driver of the other car was very nice.  
He didn’t speak much English but he was still very gracious.
Especially considering I could have killed him and is son with my carelessness.
He had a Bible in the car with him.
It’s so nice when Christians actually act like Christians.
Not like another time I had a wreck back in college:
I rolled into a car one Sunday. I was going maybe two miles an hour when it happened. It didn’t even cause a dent or a scratch. The couple that I hit though…You would have thought their car was totaled. They got out of the car and immediately began screaming…
And I do mean screaming

…at me. The man called me an idiot and a moron, among other things. 
Finally, the man in the car behind me got out of his car and told them to lay off me and go on. 
The couple I hit? They were coming home from church – dressed in their Sunday finest. They berated me for making them late to an after church luncheon. 
The dude that defended me? He was wearing a Metallica tee shirt and had spent his morning at Waffle House with some buddies. 
Freaking Christians.
Yesterday, after the wreck I called my husband and he and his best friend came to help. 
The front bumper was hanging by a thread and they had to cut it off. 
My car looks a bit like a Transformer now without the bumper. 
Well, a Transformer with really bad alignment.
It took awhile for the cops to show up. 

I waited. 
The police were nice. They made jokes with the kids and kept the lecture to a minimum. 
My husband took the bumper back to work with him. 
He sells used firetrucks and they have a firetruck bumper as a welcome desk. 
It’s very neat. It has working lights on it. It’s a very unusual use of a bumper.
He sent me this picture and message later in the day:
It said: “I guess we’ll stick with the firetruck.”
She’s down but not out. 
Just like me.

Well, That’s Something.

I mean…
To each his own and all that….
But…
Let’s look at something:
It’s a book by Julia Segal. 
In it she showcases animals with casts. 
That’s it, that’s all the book is – just animals with casts.
It’s kinda one of those things where I think ‘oh, that will never work’ and then it happens and it works. 
Because, here is the deal:
If someone told me ‘I’m going to write a book with pictures of animals in casts’ I would have said they were crazy. 
Well, really I would have said “Oh, that sounds like a great idea! How neat!” 
I just would have secretly thought it was crazy. 

But, when I saw the book in a gift shop…
…I kinda wanted to buy it. 
I kind of wanted to buy it badly.
In the same store I came across this book:
Stuff on My Mutt

Pictures of a dog with different things on. 
I mean…I have no response to this.
It’s kinda like how I feel about the Pajamagram catalog.
Let’s look, shall we?
The first is a Union suit with a monogram on the booty.
I’m pretty sure if you are around someone in your Union suit you know them well enough not to need your name monogrammed on the booty.
I’m just don’t think these are the pajamas that people are wearing to Wal-Mart on the day after Christmas.
Alright, fess up.
Who is wearing these?
Also from the Pajamagram catalog are these beauties:
Apparently, these pajamas have ‘gone wild.’
Well, they’ve gone ‘something’ alright. 
Speaking of gone something…
My two best friends, Liz and Laura Lee, suffer from major cases of overexclamationpointitis.
For instance, 
Here’s an e-mail Liz sent the members of our Bible Study today:

Girls! Thank you for the responses already! I’m very excited!!! I don’t want to rush anyone to make a snap decision on Bible study, but i’m going to plan to order the books on Jan 3 – next Tuesday. That should give them time to get here by the first day! If you haven’t decided by then if you want to do the study, no worries! You can just snag a book on your own – at Lifeway, Family Christian, or Barnes and Noble! They have them all over! Also, if you have little ones that will be needing childcare, please let me know by the end of next week … that will give me time to get an extra sitter ; ) we may need one additional one depending on how many kiddos are coming! Ok, hope y’all are all having a great week!

Nine sentences, eleven exclamation points, and one smiley face.
I love Liz.
I decided to join in the madness by sending this e-mail to her and Laura Lee:

Meanwhile at the Bad Grammar Headquarters, a meeting is taking place:

Liz: “Hi, My name is Liz. I’m here for excessive use of the exclamation point.” 
All: “Hi. Liz!”
Laura Lee: “Hi, My name is Laura Lee. I’m also here for excessive use of the exclamation point.”
All: “Hi, Laura Lee!”
Paula: “Hi. My name is Paula and I’m…here for excessive use of the ellipsis.”
All: “Hi…Paula”

I freaking love the ellipsis. 
I’m about 99% sure that I misuse it 99% of the time. 
It’s like I think the rules of grammar don’t apply to me when it comes to the ellipsis. 
Oh, well.
At least, I’m not wearing a monogrammed Union suit. 
Or a cheetah pajama suit.
Because that would really be something.