Yes Ma’am

Yes Ma’am

Last week at Hank’s football practice I decided to stay and chat with the other moms. Was it because I wanted to watch Henry do what he loves? Nope. The fact is Gracie Rae is on a one woman mission to turn our house upside down every single moment we are home.

Consequently, any time we spend outside is a good thing. The stories I could tell about the mayhem her sticky fingers have caused…


So cute. So much trouble. 

Once she was knee deep in the sand pit beside the field happily playing I put my chair down next to another mom with a child a similar age. Now, as a warning I should have known I was out of my league. This mom was dressed in these leggings with these shoes l and had this hair thing going on but she was really friendly so we started talking. We had several things in common and I was really enjoying our conversation. The more we chatted the more I began to envision coffee dates and trips to the movies when, suddenly, things came to a screeching and abrupt halt.



She ma’amed me. Oh boy, did she ma’am me. As in, I asked a question and she responded with ‘yes ma’am.’ And not in the ‘oh girl, yes ma’am this pie is good!’ No, it was a ‘yes ma’am’ that you give to your Great Aunt at a reunion when she asks you to pass her the pitcher of tea. Like, up until then I was thinking we were peers. And she let me know by her ma’am that, oh no, I’m the old lady she is just being nice to.

Goodbye to coffee dates. Please pass the Metamucil.

I mean…what can I say. I out kicked my coverage. Which is just fine because the friends I have are awesome.

Yes, they’re great. Well, except for my friend Heather. See, usually she goes to the school’s athletic events with me but last Friday night she decided to sit at home and eat bon bons okay, legit excuse, she was staying home with a sick child, but I did’t have her to keep me out of trouble.

So, at the football game my friend Jenni asked me what I was reading. Now this is a woman that is well read but I don’t know her super well and I didn’t want her to think I was a complete dolt so I blurted out the, second..thing that came to my mind. I told her I was reading¬†The Breakdown. While I had recently finished that book – which I loved you should definitely read it – that wasn’t what I was currently reading. Why didn’t I tell her what I was currently reading? I’ll let the text I sent to my friend Emily afterwards speak for itself:


I mean…texting a friend to lie for you so she doesn’t find out you were reading a trashy Regency. Y’all, that ain’t right. And Emily is such a good friend she was willing to go with it. This is what happens when my friend Heather doesn’t show up at sporting events. I’m forced to lie as I awkwardly project my extrovertedness on to people.

Yes ma’am it was quite the situation.


Unintended Consequences

Unintended Consequences

Back in the summer I was beyond frustrated to see that my very favorite spot in our neighborhood had been marked up with spray paint. It’s really a beautiful spot. Covered in wildflowers during the summer and right next to Indian Creek.


The creek is full of frogs, snakes, and turtles. Just really a nice spot.

Someone had spray painted Trump 2016 on a tree. Look, you all know I didn’t vote for the man but I pinky promise the reason for being annoyed at the spray paint has nothing to do with him as a person. If it said Jane Austen 2016 I’d still be irritated at it.

Right after it happened someone tried to pick the bark off the T but I’m pretty sure Rump 2016 looks just as bad. I though about looking for bark colored spray paint but I was pretty sure that would be just as bad.

Enter yarn bombing. I thought if I wrapped yarn around it it would look like one of those cool artsy things you see in big cities. Ya know, like this:

yarnbombing2It would look all Pinterest worthy and I could blog about it.

Um…Sadly, that is not how my attempt turned out.


Nailed it, right? Or wrong. I thought about leaving it. I thought, well, surely that’s better than the cruddy graffiti. I actually walked home and tried to put it out of my mind.

Then I started thinking about the unintended consequences of the ill formed yarn bomb. I started imagining it unraveling and little Disney forest animals becoming entangled in it. Cute little foxes being dragged down by it. You know, like the stories you hear of stupid things humans do to fix things that actually make them worse.

The unintended consequence of the spray paint is that it irritates me and that’s not so bad. Better than sad little yarn covered animals dying on the greenway.

So, I cut it all down and now Rump 2016 once more reigns supreme.

Night Time at the Lake…

Night Time at the Lake…

Well, I think we can all agree that the $5 I spent on expired face masks at the Dollar General in Crane Hill, Alabama was money well spent.


I mean, really, where else can you find something this entertaining.


Multi generational fun right here, folks.

After all, we can’t play…uh, what is this? Scattergories? Taboo? 24-7. We need a break from all this competition. Dude! Haden is ready with that timer.


Oh look! It’s Tucker. Wahhh!!!!! He decided to be super fancy and go to the University of Virginia for college. I’m 0-2 on nephews attending Auburn. Avery is at Troy but I’m holding out hope for Haden.

img_0082Blast. I still can’t see what that game was.


Billy isn’t much on ye olde board games. It’s all kinds of vexing because I love them. We once played Monopoly with Billy’s best friend and his wife – the men got so mad at each other over the game that we ended up having to awkwardly leave. True Story.


I mean, SERIOUSLY, TRUE STORY. They had to like ‘have a talk about it’ afterward. Just don’t play board games with competitive people. It’s no bueno.

Hmm…maybe we should have done face masks instead of Monopoly? That clearly would have been a better option.